DONNY's LONG TAIL

Date: 03/09/2007 04:42

Yesterday was a long one, emotionally draining, to say the least. I
just have to remember that it's dementia+medication that gets Mom in
these weird moods. First of all, when we showed up Saturday, Mom had no
recollection of us being there (for hours) on Friday. Mom was in also
pretty bad mood, telling us she was not going to do her exercises and
she didn't have to if she didn't want to.


Mom was overly fixated on a gray box of cards that she was sure Dad had
thrown away. She made him unpack several boxes at least twice to prove
the gray box was not inside. (The frustrating part was that those big
boxes were packed up long before she had been organizing the gray box
of cards on Friday.) Until you have listened to someone fixate on the
same subject for hours on end, you have no idea how tired you can get
hearing the same set of words: 'gray box of cards'.

Mom finally decided I am the bad guy who doesn't want her to have
anything and was giving away all of her stuff. (Rather than owning a
class sets of 30 sumi painting supply sets, one set will do, but that's
apparently not the point.) There was quite a pout going on. Since quite
a bit of the stuff we had packed up and bagged up the day before had
been dragged back into the 'craft room,' Dennis and I both felt like we
had taken 10 steps back. It is so frustrating to work for hours,
sorting, being told 'yes, that goes to ....' and then finding so much
of it undone the next day. (Both Dennis and I were about ready to 'bag
it' at that moment, but then knew, that like dieting, the weight of
'stuff' would probably come back into that house with a vengeance. I DO
NOT want to go through this process ever again!)

When I walked into the craft room first thing in the morning and saw
all that stuff hauled back in, Mom got angry and said she wanted to
keep her beads. (The plan for the past week had been that she told us
she wanted to give all the beading supplies to Taffy.) I asked her what
she planned to do with them if she kept them. (She is too shaky and
weak to even write, let alone do crafts.) She shrugged and I told her
that this was the time to give them to someone who truly enjoyed
beading as much as she did.

We 'free stored' the two old Apple computers we had given them long
ago, with a scanner and printer. By moving things around and
reconnecting cords I got the monitor on the 'working computer' going.

I went with Dennis to the dump just to get away for awhile. By the time
we returned, Taffy was there. (Thank you, Taffy, for taking the things
in the living room out to Shayla and Chelsea.) When we arrived, Mom was
happily giving her beading supplies to Taffy. Taffy brought brownies,
so we all had time to enjoy a treat in the living room (Mom had a sugar
free Popsicle) before working more in the afternoon.

We loaded up the entire pickup with more donation site stuff, then went
home to make dinner to bring back. Well, Dennis made it, and I helped .
. . .

By the time we got back to 403 SE 15th, Forrest, Dotty, and the girls
were there. They had loaded up the van with craft kits for the girls
and stuff for Colton Schools (THANK YOU!) and were working on the
outside. Forrest had Steffan helping him, Rebecca was sweeping porches
and the walk, Rachael was busy, and Rene announced to Dotty and I that
"this house needs to be cleaned," or something like that. Dotty and I
looked at each other and laughed....

Another sit down meal! Baked tomato/hamburger/cheese pasta, garlic/dill
bread, and green bean casserole. We almost had enough seating...more on
that later.

Dennis and I headed home while there were still lots of 'guests' and
Mom was in her element, sitting up, alert, and conversing.

When we showed up today (Sunday), we heard that there was a full house
until after 11:00, so sounds like everyone had a good time.

Today we added some of our stuff to the ARC donations, dropped them
off, then showed up before 10 again. Mom and Dad were up. Mom had
forgotten I am the bad guy, Dad had a nutritious breakfast on the
table, as usual. I brought them a set of silverware that Mom had given
me in a picnic basket that I never use. At least it has REAL spoons! I
put fresh roses on the table, then gave Donny a call.

Today's progress was marked: We cleaned the craft room enough that
Dennis, Donny, and Dad were able to move the giant limited edition
print cabinet from the dining room. Now the next time we have family
meal, Dotty and Rene won't have to eat in the kitchen! We can use the
drop leaf table that is in the dining room and actually open it up!

We pared down more stuff. Donny got the computer to connect to the
internet. (I had forgotten how annoying and loud dial-up is!) Dennis
packed the entire pickup bed with more stuff for the dump. We vacuumed.
Dennis and Donny worked on reorganizing and moving the giant cubicle of
art supplies (yes, there are still more...) on top of the print
cabinet. We moved books to fill the bookcase structures that support
the cabinet.

We took advantage of Donny's 'long tall' and had him move a Wysocki
from the bedroom (the print was no longer visible to any degree) to the
craft room. Dennis reframed at least one of Mom's 'poetic licenses' as
it was falling out of the frame.

Donny took Mom on a walk next door to Baba Wagea's house to get their
phone number. This was another of those 'tough love' moments. Mom
wanted Rona (Baba's wife) to come over. I told Mom to give her a call.
She didn't have the phone number, so wanted Dad to go get it. I told
Mom this would be the perfect opportunity to go for a walk next door.
Donny was her escort; such a gracious fellow! Anyway, Mom got the
number, so now she'll be able to make the call herself.

One of the dangers of leaving stuff sitting in the house waiting to
'go' to the recipients, is that Mom forgets that she has already made
decisions to give things away. Then she starts directing Dad (or anyone
in earshot) about taking things out of the box and putting it in the
back room.

Once there, she forgets about 'it' (whatever 'it' is) and has no plans
to use 'it' ever again. Ah well . . . .

Dad, Mom, and Donny had leftovers for lunch. (Donny, thanks for ALL of
your help today!) By the time we left in the late afternoon, Dad had
organized all of Mom's pills for the week and Mom was napping. Donny
loaded up some things in his car, too, so 403 once again, is sitting a
little lighter on the planet!

That's it for today. I guess we'll go over tomorrow, but I think we
need to head out to Burns on Tuesday for a few days. This was Day 25 .
. . there are many more to go.

Love,
Daphne

PS: Laird - thanks for calling them on Friday!